...Try, try again...?
Most everyone is familiar with the phrase, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."
This might be true with some areas of life like sports, activities, and games. "Practice makes perfect." flows right in with this philosophy, but do these philosophies ring true for ALL areas of life including love relationships?
The first time I fell in love I just knew it was forever. For five years, on and off, we tried to make our love and relationship work. I kept breaking us up because of lies, lack of communication, lack of trust, alcoholism, and finally drug abuse. I did not feel that I could trust this person to share my life with so I ended it. Each and every time I ended the relationship only to see them get "better" and my love returned for them. I missed them so much I felt like I could not breath. Over the off and on years I was finally hurt so many times by this person until my love was finally dead for them. I did not succeed at first and I tried again and again just to end up with dead love. I realize that the problems were not all mine, though I was made to feel that it was all, my fault. Only after four years of no talking and contact between us we are finally able to be friends. I know that I can never be in a relationship with this person again, but as friends, this seems doable now. I even helped my ex to warm up to another person I thought would be a good match for them. They are now together and seem happy. I am very glad for them both.
Is it this way for all love relationships?
I have felt an even stronger love for another. We met some years ago through a mutual friend. I did not think much about them at first, but then we introduced our selves. A firm handshake and eye to eye contact, at that moment I felt lightning strike my soul. I have never felt a connection so strong as I had at that moment. They were kind of involved with another, and though I made a strong impression I knew I could not impose. I then got involved in a relationship with another. I always wanted to be around the one I felt the strong connection with. I just knew that I was not as interesting to them as they were to me. For years we were friends. I ended my relationship and the connection drew me to this person I just knew was "THE ONE". The soul mate everyone searches for. We talked all night and seemed to have so much in common. Once we were in a relationship, their thoughts seemed to linger with their experiences with lost ex's. That seemed to be all they wanted to talk about. I delbt with it, but damn, I wanted to talk about US not them. They also enjoyed flirting with just about everyone as well. This really tapped into my trust issues. They seem to be a roller coaster and I seem to be a long, flat stretch of highway.
Can a roller coaster and a flat highway learn to live happily together? We tried and tried over and over again. I was resistant to therapy at that time. I ended the relationship. I also stopped all communication and contact because I could not deal with the extreme love hate relationship we had between us. We had a strong sexual attraction for each other. This caused extreme sexual tension for us both, and seemed that if we were not sexually involved sexually, we fought like two cats. I could not deal with the thought of them being sexual with another in any way shape or form. They just seemed to sense this and continued to do things that made me feel inadequate. We have not been in contact for over a year now. Could we be friends again? I know I still feel the sexual, mental, and emotional connection and strong love for the roller coaster even though we have had zero contact all this time. I cannot help but wonder, what if. What would happen if we tried again? Would we end up back at square one? Have we both changed and grown enough to be able to be in a healthy relationship? I know that I have felt a hole, an emptiness since we cut contact. They seem to feel the same even though they are engaged to another. I have met others that I felt an attraction for, but just did not seem near as strong as the one I have with this roller coaster. As long as the roller coaster is engaged I will not attempt any form of contact with them. I do not wish to be the reason they break up. This I know for a fact.
Did I learn a lesson from my first relationship?
If you both try and try but all you have is pain and hurt that eventually kills the love that was there. Should you keep trying or is this just some form of self-mutilation?
Your input and experiences on this topic would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
SSB
9/09/2005 09:45:00 AM
The answers to most of my questions posted above is NO.
Thanks to everyone who read and replied to this post.
You are truley my best friends!
Happy New Year!!! I hope...LOL
SSB
An origianl written by Kim Measells
This might be true with some areas of life like sports, activities, and games. "Practice makes perfect." flows right in with this philosophy, but do these philosophies ring true for ALL areas of life including love relationships?
The first time I fell in love I just knew it was forever. For five years, on and off, we tried to make our love and relationship work. I kept breaking us up because of lies, lack of communication, lack of trust, alcoholism, and finally drug abuse. I did not feel that I could trust this person to share my life with so I ended it. Each and every time I ended the relationship only to see them get "better" and my love returned for them. I missed them so much I felt like I could not breath. Over the off and on years I was finally hurt so many times by this person until my love was finally dead for them. I did not succeed at first and I tried again and again just to end up with dead love. I realize that the problems were not all mine, though I was made to feel that it was all, my fault. Only after four years of no talking and contact between us we are finally able to be friends. I know that I can never be in a relationship with this person again, but as friends, this seems doable now. I even helped my ex to warm up to another person I thought would be a good match for them. They are now together and seem happy. I am very glad for them both.
Is it this way for all love relationships?
I have felt an even stronger love for another. We met some years ago through a mutual friend. I did not think much about them at first, but then we introduced our selves. A firm handshake and eye to eye contact, at that moment I felt lightning strike my soul. I have never felt a connection so strong as I had at that moment. They were kind of involved with another, and though I made a strong impression I knew I could not impose. I then got involved in a relationship with another. I always wanted to be around the one I felt the strong connection with. I just knew that I was not as interesting to them as they were to me. For years we were friends. I ended my relationship and the connection drew me to this person I just knew was "THE ONE". The soul mate everyone searches for. We talked all night and seemed to have so much in common. Once we were in a relationship, their thoughts seemed to linger with their experiences with lost ex's. That seemed to be all they wanted to talk about. I delbt with it, but damn, I wanted to talk about US not them. They also enjoyed flirting with just about everyone as well. This really tapped into my trust issues. They seem to be a roller coaster and I seem to be a long, flat stretch of highway.
Can a roller coaster and a flat highway learn to live happily together? We tried and tried over and over again. I was resistant to therapy at that time. I ended the relationship. I also stopped all communication and contact because I could not deal with the extreme love hate relationship we had between us. We had a strong sexual attraction for each other. This caused extreme sexual tension for us both, and seemed that if we were not sexually involved sexually, we fought like two cats. I could not deal with the thought of them being sexual with another in any way shape or form. They just seemed to sense this and continued to do things that made me feel inadequate. We have not been in contact for over a year now. Could we be friends again? I know I still feel the sexual, mental, and emotional connection and strong love for the roller coaster even though we have had zero contact all this time. I cannot help but wonder, what if. What would happen if we tried again? Would we end up back at square one? Have we both changed and grown enough to be able to be in a healthy relationship? I know that I have felt a hole, an emptiness since we cut contact. They seem to feel the same even though they are engaged to another. I have met others that I felt an attraction for, but just did not seem near as strong as the one I have with this roller coaster. As long as the roller coaster is engaged I will not attempt any form of contact with them. I do not wish to be the reason they break up. This I know for a fact.
Did I learn a lesson from my first relationship?
If you both try and try but all you have is pain and hurt that eventually kills the love that was there. Should you keep trying or is this just some form of self-mutilation?
Your input and experiences on this topic would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
SSB
9/09/2005 09:45:00 AM
The answers to most of my questions posted above is NO.
Thanks to everyone who read and replied to this post.
You are truley my best friends!
Happy New Year!!! I hope...LOL
SSB
An origianl written by Kim Measells
posted by SSB at 9:39 AM
2 Comments:
Great Post :)
www.FriendsterForum.com
Well, thank you anonymous! :-)
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